Fully resolving a conflict is often a difficult goal because most serious conflicts do not have neat resolutions. We often assume that reaching agreement on the issues in a dispute is the same as resolution. But resolution by agreement alone, without considering the relevant aspects of the conflict, can be limited at best. Resolution of conflict can occur through a number of different activities over time along the three dimensions of conflict which we will discuss below. This article was inspired by Bernard Mayer in his insightful coverage on these conflict dimensions in The Dynamics of Conflict (2012, John Wiley & Sons).
The cognitive, emotional, and behavioral dimensions of conflict
Cognitive conflict refers to the mental disagreement or disagreement in understanding that occurs during a conflict. It can involve differences in beliefs, values, perceptions, or interpretations of events. Emotional conflict refers to the negative feelings that can arise during a conflict, such as anger, frustration, or resentment. Emotional conflict can also involve a struggle with one’s own emotions, such as feeling torn between two courses of action or having difficulty expressing one’s feelings effectively. Behavioral conflict refers to the actions and behaviors that occur during a conflict, such as verbal or physical aggression, withdrawal, or attempts to resolve the conflict.
All three of these dimensions of conflict can interact and influence one another. For example, cognitive conflict can lead to emotional conflict, which in turn may lead to behavioral conflict. Understanding and addressing all three dimensions can be important in effectively managing and resolving conflicts.
Resolving conflict along the three dimensions of conflict
It’s important to note that effective conflict resolution often requires addressing all three dimensions of conflict and finding a resolution that addresses the cognitive, emotional, and behavioral aspects of the conflict. To resolve conflict along the cognitive dimension, it can be helpful to seek a deeper understanding of the other person’s perspective, listen actively and openly to their concerns, and try to find common ground or areas of agreement. It can also be helpful to clarify misunderstandings or miscommunications and to consider any underlying needs or interests that may be driving the conflict.
To resolve conflict along the emotional dimension, it can be helpful to acknowledge and validate the other person’s feelings, practice empathy, and try to communicate in a non-confrontational way. It can also be helpful to identify and address any personal emotional triggers that may be contributing to the conflict. To resolve conflict along the behavioral dimension, it can be helpful to establish clear and fair rules or guidelines for communication and behavior, to stay focused on the issue at hand rather than getting sidetracked or personal, and to use problem-solving techniques or mediators to help facilitate a resolution.
Resolving Conflict along the Cognitive Dimension
One important aspect of conflict is the cognitive dimension, which refers to the mental disagreement or disagreement in understanding that occurs during a conflict. This can involve differences in beliefs, values, perceptions, or interpretations of events. Resolving conflict along the cognitive dimension requires a deep understanding of the other person’s perspective and a willingness to consider new ideas and approaches. By addressing beliefs and perceptions, attitudes and understanding, cognitive dissonance, and reframing, we can find ways to bridge the gap between our perspectives and find mutually beneficial resolutions to conflicts.
“Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”
– Stephen R. Covey
Beliefs and Perceptions
Our beliefs and perceptions shape how we see the world and interpret the actions of others. When we’re in conflict with someone, it’s common for our beliefs and perceptions to be at odds. To resolve this type of cognitive conflict, it’s important to try to understand the other person’s perspective and where their beliefs and perceptions come from. This can help us see the issue from their point of view and find common ground. One helpful strategy for resolving cognitive conflict related to beliefs and perceptions is to ask open-ended questions that encourage the other person to explain their perspective. By actively listening and showing genuine curiosity about their perspective, we can gain a deeper understanding of their perspective and find ways to bridge the gap between our beliefs and perceptions.
Attitudes and Understanding
Our attitudes and understanding of a situation can also contribute to cognitive conflict. For example, if we have a negative attitude toward someone or something, we may be more likely to interpret their actions or words in a negative way. To resolve this type of cognitive conflict, it can be helpful to try to identify and change our attitudes or understanding of the situation. One way to do this is to practice empathy and try to see the situation from the other person’s perspective. This can help us understand their motivations and emotions and can lead to more positive attitudes and understanding.
Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive dissonance is a term used to describe the mental discomfort we experience when our beliefs or actions are in conflict with one another. For example, if we believe in being environmentally responsible but then engage in actions that are harmful to the environment, we may experience cognitive dissonance. To resolve cognitive conflict related to cognitive dissonance, it’s important to recognize and address the conflicting beliefs or actions. This can involve making changes to our behavior or beliefs, or finding ways to align our actions with our values. In The Dynamics of Conflict, Mayer gives a good example of purposely creating cognitive dissonance: “When mediators say to divorcing parents, ‘You have to decide whether you love your children more than you hate your ex-spouse,’ they are attempting to invoke cognitive dissonance that will move people away from their embattled stance.”
Reframing
Reframing is another useful strategy for resolving cognitive conflict. Reframing involves changing the way we think about a situation or problem in order to see it in a different light. For example, rather than seeing a problem as insurmountable, we might reframe it as a challenge to be overcome. It helps us to change the narrative and recast how a conflict is presented. Reframing can be a powerful tool for resolving cognitive conflict because it helps us see the situation in a new and potentially more positive way. This can lead to new ideas and approaches for resolving the conflict.
Resolving Conflict along the Emotional Dimension
The emotional dimension of conflict refers to the negative feelings that can arise during a conflict, such as anger, frustration, or resentment. Resolving conflict along the emotional dimension requires a deep understanding of our own emotions and those of others. By expressing our feelings and having them acknowledged, and by practicing forgiveness and apology, we can find ways to manage and resolve conflicts in a healthy and positive way.
“Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”
– Buddha
Expressing and Acknowledging Feelings
One important aspect of resolving conflict along the emotional dimension is the opportunity to express our feelings and have them acknowledged by others. This can be a powerful way to release negative emotions and feel heard and understood. In doing so, individuals need to feel that their personality and values are not under attack, and that they can maintain their dignity as they work out their differences. To facilitate the expression of feelings, it’s important to create a safe and respectful environment where people feel comfortable sharing their emotions. This can involve using active listening skills, showing empathy, and avoiding judgment or criticism.
Forgiveness and Apology
Forgiveness and apology can also play a role in resolving conflict along the emotional dimension. Forgiveness involves letting go of negative feelings toward someone who has wronged us and moving forward in a positive way. It’s an important step in resolving conflicts because it allows us to release negative emotions and move on. Apology can also be an important part of resolving conflict along the emotional dimension. An apology can help to acknowledge and validate the other person’s feelings and can be a powerful way to repair relationships and move forward. It’s important to note that forgiveness and apology are not always easy, and they may not always be possible. However, they can be powerful tools for resolving conflict and moving forward in a positive way.
Resolving Conflict along the Behavioral Dimension
The behavioral dimension of conflict refers to the actions and behaviors that occur during a conflict, such as verbal or physical aggression, withdrawal, or attempts to resolve the conflict. Resolving conflict along the behavioral dimension requires a commitment to finding constructive and respectful ways to address conflicts. By discontinuing behaviors that contribute to the conflict and instituting actions that promote resolution, we can effectively manage and resolve conflicts in a healthy and positive way.
“The best revenge is to be unlike him who performed the injury.”
– Marcus Aurelius
Discontinuing Conflict Behavior
One important aspect of resolving conflict along the behavioral dimension is to discontinue any behavior that is contributing to the conflict. This can involve stopping any aggressive or confrontational behavior, as well as avoiding behaviors that escalate the conflict, such as name-calling or personal attacks. It’s important to recognize that discontinuing conflict behavior is not the same as giving in or backing down. Rather, it’s about finding more constructive and respectful ways to address the conflict.
Instituting Actions to Promote Resolution
In addition to discontinuing conflict behavior, it’s also important to institute actions that promote resolution. This can involve using problem-solving techniques or seeking the assistance of a mediator to help facilitate communication and find a mutually beneficial resolution. It can also be helpful to establish clear and fair rules or guidelines for communication and behavior, and to stay focused on the issue at hand rather than getting sidetracked or personal. By following these guidelines, we can create a more constructive and respectful environment for resolving conflicts.
References:
Mayer, B. (2012). The Dynamics of Conflict. John Wiley & Sons.
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